Posting this has my throat tight and my chest feeling like it is wide open with heavy footsteps treading across a tender heart. Because this means so much to me. Because it has taken me well over a year to find the courage to ask for this, to pursue this. Because when the thing that has been lying in your belly is now out there in the world, there's no taking it back, there's no following it around making sure it's totally protected and loved and viewed the way you want it to be viewed. Because it feels like vulnerability and joy and weeping and a gutting. I fear the perceptions I have created in my head - that others will think I am being overly dramatic when I express how much this means to me, how sacred this would be to me. I fear it not coming to fruition. I fear. But. But. I also hope. I also know that it is the right next step. I also know that the most beautiful things come from speaking our truths and following our instinct. Because "when I found myself on the cliff face, I knew it was dive or dust."
If you are an expectant mother working with a doula and/or a midwife, please contact me; I would be unbelievably honored.
(Quote from the incredible poems by Franny Choi in her collection titled, "Perihelion: A History of Touch.")